[complete] Namaste, Bitches

Any random hallways, secret passages, or lifts throughout the Ministry.

Re: Namaste, Bitches

Postby Shazad Athari » Wed Mar 22, 2017 9:59 am

Fortuitously enough, the answer to Conall's question came immediately afterwards: What am I even going to do with that eggplant? / Mr. Potato Head's black friend?

"I'm very serious about my chakras," Shazad said solemnly, settling into a stretch while simultaneously wondering whats so hard about it.
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Re: Namaste, Bitches

Postby Conall Macmillan » Sun Apr 02, 2017 4:01 am

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If he’d any doubts before about the directionless weirdness of others’ thoughts unchecked, he hadn’t now. Conall closed his eyes and took a deep breath, releasing in a hum. This was a test, clearly; how better to examine the limits of his ability to focus than to avoid answering questions that nobody asked aloud?

He slooooowly folded in half, pressing his face into his calves and gripping his ankles, concentrating first on tightening up his butt to its best advantage, and second on listening.
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Re: Namaste, Bitches

Postby Shazad Athari » Mon Apr 03, 2017 4:15 am

At the moment, Shazad was on all fours in a cat stretch, his back rounded and his head bowed. As his thoughts streamed by, gradually becoming more organized, the exact moment when he spotted it would become apparent.

No, that's stupid / Mr. Potato Head is brown / he doesn't need one to prove he's not racist / I don't think I could use it on Gavi either / it wouldn't fit / -- inhale, suggestive back arch -- / oh Conall's got a nice butt too / juicier / but it wouldn't fit there either / probably / I don't think he's that gay / probably / because you'd never be able to stop pooping / he'd probably eat it instead / oh, I could cook it!

The last thought had an exclamation point attached to it, like it was the first time it had occurred to him.
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Re: Namaste, Bitches

Postby Conall Macmillan » Fri Apr 14, 2017 8:14 pm

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It was the hardest minute of Conall's life, and not in a hide-a-boner kind of way (for once). Listening to the soundtrack of Shazad's thoughts was like watching a bunch of teenagers try to navigate a horror movie; he had to physically force himself not to suggest moussaka rather than surprise eggplant anal - which he was sure Gavi would probably be more accommodating of than he would be. The midget tart.

He left it a beat, bringing himself down to the mat and arching his body up into a bridge so that he was looking at Shazad upside down. For some reason, displaying his butt was a less enticing possibility now. "I'm thinking of throwing a dinner party this week," he said casually. "But I'm stuck on what to serve."
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Re: Namaste, Bitches

Postby Shazad Athari » Sat Apr 15, 2017 11:18 am

Eggplant--wait / Why's he asking me / I'm terrible with food things / Wow his boobs look great / Naked sushi / You can't serve dicks and things to your parents though...

"Who are you inviting over?" he asked at approximately the same time as his thoughts
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Re: Namaste, Bitches

Postby Conall Macmillan » Sun Apr 16, 2017 3:44 am

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“It’s for my cousin, Astrid,” he explained, trying not to make a face at the naked sushi suggestion, but arching his back in a way that made Yoga Barbie’s tits even more prominent. “She’s having a few problems with the social aspect, so I wanted to introduce her to some people that aren’t complete tosspots.”
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Re: Namaste, Bitches

Postby Shazad Athari » Sun Apr 16, 2017 11:54 am

Oh, her / They really flatten out when stretched like that. Too fast to register, several variables flashed through his head about the goal of the event, target audience, ease of preparation, and difficulty of eating in a social setting.

"Maybe some hors d'oeuvres and cocktails? Something that doesn't call a lot of attention to her diet." His head dropped to the floor and he rounded out his back as he switched to the other stretch from this position.
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Re: Namaste, Bitches

Postby Conall Macmillan » Mon Apr 17, 2017 4:56 am

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He was beginning to get motion sick from being inside Shazad’s head. Not to mention the fact that he now had a complex about Yoga Barbie’s tits. He eased out of the bridge and balanced back on his shoulders, propping his hips up as high as they could go.

“She’s a vegetarian,” he pointed out. “And I don’t mean like an animal blood vegetarian, an actual tofu-fondling hippie vegetarian.” A pause, and he added – “It’s a bit of an embarrassment, really.”
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Re: Namaste, Bitches

Postby Shazad Athari » Mon Apr 17, 2017 11:42 am

Oh was that racist? / The point still stands. Making a face during his stretch, he took a stab in the dark and offered, "I've got an eggplant you could use?"
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Re: Namaste, Bitches

Postby Conall Macmillan » Tue Apr 18, 2017 5:21 am

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Finally.

“You have an eggplant,” Conall repeated, brows furrowing skeptically up at Shazad. He was legendarily much less of a cook than a scavenger. “Why? Where did it come from? Are you trying to diversify your pizza toppings?”
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Re: Namaste, Bitches

Postby Shazad Athari » Tue Apr 18, 2017 9:27 pm

There was a soft echo of finally in Shazad's brain. Whatever it was that gave Conall the ability to read minds was finally starting to work on Shazad's brain, albeit in a stunted or delayed manner.

What was that? I was high and it looked really good. Getting himself back into a seated position, he shrugged and said, "I dunno, it just had a really attractive shape. Is it good on pizza?"
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Re: Namaste, Bitches

Postby Conall Macmillan » Sun May 21, 2017 11:30 am

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Conall folded at the hips, bringing his legs over his head and resting his toes on the floor. His thoughts, faint and muted though they were, were just as constant and flurried as Shazad's - albeit in a very specific way.

Three, six, nine, twelve by fifteen - kill someone with it - one-eighty, three-sixty, five-forty - "Doubt it," he grunted, feeling out his form and straightening the line of his legs. "They're slimy and gross mostly."

Seven-twenty by nine hundred - bludgeon wouldn't work - six hundred forty eight thousand - suffocation, potato gun? - one mill two six nine thousand - even your cooking probably couldn't poison someone unintentionally - one nine four four by two five nine two...
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Re: Namaste, Bitches

Postby Shazad Athari » Sun May 21, 2017 7:41 pm

Shazad's thoughts blurred into a thick pudding of confusion through which only a few words were decipherable. Hrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnnnnnnngghhhh what hnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn wow hrrrnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn butts hnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn...

...Conall?



At the front of the class, the instructor was ready to begin. Clearing her throat a few times to get everyone's attention first, she spoke with the tranquil, enlightened voice of someone who had just taken the most amazing dump in the world. "Hey everyone, namaste. Today we'll be taking a deep journey into the art of hip and leg openers. Let's begin with the sacred om...."
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Re: Namaste, Bitches

Postby Conall Macmillan » Mon May 22, 2017 9:48 am

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Two, four, six, eight by twelve - Shazad - ninty-six, one nine two, two eight eight - welcome to the chemical party - three eight four by four eighty - he rocked back upright and assumed the lotus position, hands resting on his knees. "Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..." One eight four three twenty - I hope you know we can never come back to this yoga class now - three six eight six forty...
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Re: Namaste, Bitches

Postby Shazad Athari » Mon May 22, 2017 11:47 am

"Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm." Shazad made it a point to om as enthusiastically as he could, the corners of his lips turning up as he hummed. His mind was overwhelmed by the influx of information pouring in from all sides (Inhale joy, exhale love, inhale joy... / My mind is relaxed and clear... / Unnnnnnnnf daddy / Shit, did I leave my tampon in?), and his thoughts dipped briefly into several of the other students', as if using just the metaphorical tip, before his focus resolved on Conall.

Why are you multiplying (???) -- briefly, he attempted to do the mental math but then gave up -- numbers in your head? Oh no, go check that, toxic shock is no joke.
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Re: Namaste, Bitches

Postby Conall Macmillan » Sun May 28, 2017 3:09 am

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Unlike when he spoke aloud, Conall's thoughts weren't expressed in a Scottish accent, which made it much easier to tell a neutral answer from an aggressive one (and everything said in a Scottish accent sounded aggressive, even if it was supposed to be friendly).

His mental voice seemed tense. I'm trying to clear my mind - one four seven four five sixty, one eight four three two hundred - I've had ten minutes of fucking eggplant anal and Candice being a bitch; it's hardly zen - two three one one eight thiiiiii-----iiiiirty...

There was pause in his counting, and a flicker, like a glitch in the matrix or movement in the corner of the eye. For a long moment, an incomprehensible wave of thoughts crashed through his mind - a chorus of voices all speaking at once and making it impossible to pick out just one - before he slammed that mental door shut and started multiplying again.
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Re: Namaste, Bitches

Postby Shazad Athari » Tue May 30, 2017 12:11 pm

A faint protestation echoed in his mind Really, it was thinking about not putting an eggplant in the butt. Isn't that the opposite?, but he was more interested in the other revelation.

What's she being a bitch about? he wondered, and his mind quieted in order to listen in on her thoughts.

As they communicated mentally, the instructor moved them through several different poses on the hands and knees, shifting multiple times through downward dog and narrating in a soothing voice: "...tune into your hips, tune into the space behind your pubic bone...."
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Re: Namaste, Bitches

Postby Conall Macmillan » Thu Jun 22, 2017 4:30 am

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Conall didn't answer, deeply focused on his counting and on aligning his body perfectly into the poses. Wearing Yoga Barbie was so freeing compared to hauling around two hundred pounds of muscle and horse dick.

As the group collectively slid out of downward dog and into the sun salutation, both Conall and Shazad heard Candice wonder, Who wears that much makeup to a class anyway?
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Re: Namaste, Bitches

Postby Belle » Thu Jun 22, 2017 8:19 am

*POOF!*



Suddenly, Conall Macmillan has turned Nicolas Cage!

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You are Nic Cage in a Bear Suit Punching a Woman! You are suddenly inside a bear suit and have an overwhelming desire to punch people in the face, particularly the other person in the thread. You can bearly even stop yourself, oops! This effect lasts for a minimum of your next 5 RP posts.

#NicCageAsEveryone
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Re: Namaste, Bitches

Postby Shazad Athari » Thu Jun 22, 2017 11:05 am

--as if it would even help her look any better--WHAAAAT THE FUCK, Candice's thoughts continued.

In fact, that last thought rose in chorus from just about every mind in the yoga class as purple lightning streaked down on barbie Conall and replaced him with a giant bear suit.

"Connie? Are you alright in there?" Shazad asked uncertainly. Behind Conall, Shazad was posed on the ground like a seal with his head held high, like a ball on a tee.
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